By Sally Anne Sessitte
Southerners have elevated communication to an art form. I submit that is because our culture values human connection. Also, it's real hot and having a little chat is a great excuse to take a break with a cold drink. We have a lot of different ways to talk, and most of the good ones do not require a cell phone. Here are six distinct types of talking that are specific to the South. Let me be clear - none of them involve using speaker phone on your cell phone at the grocery store.
Did she speak?
This is the most Southern of all "check ins." Let's get this out of the way: If you tell your mama that you happened to see dad's business partner having supper with his new young secretary - the one with the tank tops - and she asks you, "Well did she speak?" that is a loaded question, and there will be follow up questions.
To "speak" - in Southern - describes the combination of making a point to recognize a person, remember who they are, make your way over to them, and say a quick but intentional hello. The quick part can be left up to interpretation. This may be why our parties take forever and why we can't hardly get home from church before afternoon. Because we have to speak.
Not only will we speak to you, we will notice whether you speak, and we'll talk about that, too. Example: "I saw Mary Susan and her cousin, Frank, was about two feet from her, and I did not see her speak." This is just the beginning of the analysis on what in the world has happened in their family to have two cousins right there, and neither one of them spoke. It gets a little complicated in some situations, but the rule of thumb is to speak. If your mama finds out you were having lunch and her tennis team saw you, and you didn't speak? Bless your heart. Teenager in the liquor store sneaking a purchase, and you see Judge Wilson? Better put that six pack down and speak. Rather be thought of as an underage drinker than someone who did not even speak.
Waving to a neighbor walking by also is considered speaking. Don't ask me why, it just is. And yes, you do have to wave.
Have a visit.
Having a visit usually involves a little trip over to the house. In good weather, it probably also involves sitting on a porch or patio, maybe even a rocking chair. Having a visit is really just setting aside time in between the ball field and the committee meetings and getting supper going to go show someone they matter. When you go to have a visit with someone, the person getting the visit gets to do most of the talking. They may be having some health issues, have a new baby to celebrate, or have had a change in circumstance (that's one of the D's divorce, death in the family, or a downsize). The point of this visit is for you to have a drink with them - it goes without saying you'll be offered something - and give them the time it takes for them to either talk about it or purposely not talk about it. Either way is fine. They know why you're there and so do you. To show you care. About the best thing you can do for anyone over the age of 75 is to go and have a visit. Bonus points for kids having a visit. This expression also gives a gracious way to tell someone you are not up for company "I am so thankful for this meal, but I just don't think I am up for having a visit today." That is all that needs to be said, and it won't be taken personally.
We're just chattin'
This is how we describe what we're doing when we have finally been able to catch up with friends that we have not seen in a while or when we "clump up" in the back of a wedding shower or church flower committee meeting. This is how we describe it, whether we are trading recipes, savage gossip, sharing links to the best sunhat, sharing the contact info for the best wallpaper man or flower truck or oncologist "we're just chattin."
Mom, what did you and your friends do at the beach this weekend after you played Mahjong? "Oh we were mostly just chattin". We describe it in this light breezy way for a few reasons - so that no one will ask for details but mostly so that no one ever suspects the amount of business we get done while we are just chattin¡'. If you can't get business done while you're chattin', you aren't Southern or you aren't doing business with the right people.
Expert status: If two or more Southern ladies set aside time to "get together and do a walk and talk," friends, you better hold on to your britches because someone is getting blackballed or appointed chair, or a new Capital Campaign is starting. Big things happen from just chattin'.
Gettin' her updated.
If you see a friend and you have some burning information to share, you may have to pull her aside and say, "I need to get you updated." Should we be more ashamed to gossip? Maybe, but remember "just chattin." above. Southerners get a lot of important and sensitive business done this way. You can also get a group together - even on a text - and share information that you only want to share once. This also works where you want to put your version of the facts out into the world. For example, "Okay girls. I heard someone saw me coming out of the doctor's office on Third Street. I need to get y'all updated." Insert your narrative here. This also works well for that type of news that isn't great, but down here, we still share. "Hey y'all. Let me get you updated in case you've heard some things. He did get kicked out, but we have a wonderful option."
Hug Your Neck
If a Southerner says they don't have anything big to tell you, but they just need to "hug your neck," this is a variation on "having a visit." This type of "catchup" usually involves friends or family friends who have not seen each other in some time. When you need to hug someone's neck, this is different from a visit, because you're not visiting at home. This type of visit usually takes place somewhere away from home so that no chores, folding, or family members can distract. Imagine a friend who moved away is passing through town. You might say "Can you just stop at the Subway inside that gas station on the highway, and I will leave work early and drive over and meet you up there" I just need to hug your neck." This is the Southern way of saying, " miss you, and I just need to see you and have a chat."
Prayer Meeting.
If a Southerner says they have to go and have a prayer meeting with someone, best believe that is going to be a serious conversation. There may be prayer - on the part of the person talkin' or the person getting a talkin' to. There will definitely be serious and private discussions. This is a delicate way to share that the conversation is serious and not up for public discussion.
Reach out to Sally Anne at SallyAnne@magnoliaandmoonshine.com.
